


Beyond The Pale

by Davechicken



Series: Kylux - Fluff & Angst [160]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Arguments, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 07:37:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9592091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Kylo goes one step too far in the middle of an argument. Hux is not impressed.





	

“Well at least I was close enough to my father to murder him, yours was closer to the bottle than he ever was to you!”  


Hux stares in shock. Of all the low blows… they’d agreed. They’d _agreed_. There were things that were off limits (the word ‘bastard’, the name ‘Ben’, the incident on Dantooine), but apparently if pushed, such limits were no longer hard and fast.

He reels, first, because he wasn’t prepared for that to come from Kylo. From others, it would sting. From Kylo, it’s crippling.

No one hurts you as much as the person you want to love you.

For a moment, he can’t do anything. He can’t think, can’t form words. When he can, they come sort of jumbled into one, and his arm waves at the door. “Get out.”

Kylo can see he’s gone too far, by the sudden horror on his face. “Hux, I–”

“GET. OUT.”  


“Hux - I’m _sorry_ , I didn’t… I’m sorry, please don’t–”  


“If you won’t leave, then I will.”  


***

Kylo can find him, of course he can, but that is not the point. Hux is furious, and more furious with himself for letting such a stupid thing hurt him so badly.

He’s heard far worse - from his late father himself, nonetheless - but from Kylo the wound cuts in a way it hasn’t in years. 

From Kylo, it hurts like he thought the thing himself. (Because he does.) 

He’s run away from his _own_ room, from his _own_ safe haven, because he let Kylo in, and the man did this to him. He… just… ripped apart decades of perfectly constructed facade like it was nothing, and now Hux doesn’t even know who he is any more.

Years. Years of repressing it. Years of saying ‘it doesn’t matter’ and ‘I am who I want to be’ and ‘he means nothing to me’. Years of it, to come out in one short, sharp comment. All the structures inside falling because one strut has been pulled, showing his bedrock up as a fiction. A house of cards, only strong when nothing breaks. There’s no leeway, no contingency, nothing.

And now he stares out the viewscreen into space, and he feels… every tiny pinprick of a star, and how far away he is. All the uncountable atoms between him, and them. All that dead space, and he’s barely a gust of anything.

One line. One phrase. One attack.

And everything hurts.

It’s pathetic, really. If he was anything like the person he’d thought he was, it would never have touched him, let alone found bone and nerve. He’d have laughed it off, or shouted it off, but…

He’s lying. He’s been lying all along.

***

When Kylo does approach, he does so with his mask under his arm. His head is lowered, and Hux watches his reflection in the transparisteel. Hux feels cold. Tired. Empty.

“I’m sorry,” Kylo says.  


Hux knows he is. “Are you sorry it hurt me, or sorry that I am now angry with you?”

“I didn’t… I mean, I suppose I must have meant to hurt you,” Kylo says. “And I’m sorry I felt I needed to.”  


Hux turns, slowly, watching his face. “You really hurt me.”

“I know.”  


“We promised we would not do to each other what others did to us.”  


“I _know_. I let you down.”  


Kylo’s expression is the very picture of misery, and Hux… Hux thinks it’s genuine. Kylo has hurt very many people and not cared one bit, but he is different, isn’t he? 

Kylo is open with him, in ways he isn’t with anyone else. This - them - they’re _different_.

“How do I know you won’t do it again?” Hux asks.  


“You don’t,” Kylo admits. “ _I_ don’t. But I know I’ll try my hardest not to. I was upset, and it doesn’t excuse it, but… I’m trying. I’m trying, and I’ll try harder. And if you want to come up with some punishment if I–”  


“Kylo! I’m not a monster! I won’t beat you if you say something wrong!”  


“ _I would rather you did than leave me on my own_ ,” Kylo replies, suddenly sobbing.   


Hux knows this, too. He knows Kylo fears loneliness more than anything else. He rejects intimacy, because of the potential for a loss of it. It was what kept them apart for so very, very long. Kylo afraid to lose him, and Hux afraid of what letting someone in would do. And here they are, both hurting one another as deeply as it’s possible to be hurt. 

Although he needed the space, his running has injured Kylo just as badly as the comment hurt him.

“I’m sorry I needed space,” Hux offers.   


“N-no, I deserved–”  


“This isn’t about ‘deserving’,” Hux cuts in. “It’s about doing what’s right. I accept your apology… do you accept mine?”  


Kylo flings himself around Hux, hugging him as hard as he can. Hux is taken aback for only a moment, only a moment before he remembers: _this_ is Kylo. Emotional, deep, and uncontrolled. A well of feeling with no bottom, a fiery temper, but a love so bright and bold it’s terrifying. 

It’s likely going to burn him many times more, but unlike Brendol, Kylo’s aware of when he hurts him, and he feels regret, after. Brendol never cared. Kylo does, and tries his best not to do it again. He’s not perfect, but he’s not a monster, either.

Loving him means giving Kylo all the ammunition, and trusting any misfires will be patched as soon as possible. But it means this, too: his happiness being so very important to another creature, and he pushes his face into Kylo’s hair and _breathes_.

It’s worth it. All the good days. It’s worth a few ones this terrible, too.


End file.
